Monday, May 12, 2014

111b. Things Hikers Say Part 2

I had some great contributions to the "Things Hikers Say" list from some previous thru-hikers and folks involved in the trail community. And so I present to you, Things Hiker Say, Part 2:

From Pony Bear

"Hey, can you throw this Clif bar wrapper in my brain?"

Clever Girl Translation:
The top section of a backpack that flips up is referred to by hikers as the "brain" of the pack, because if the pack were a person, that's where the brain would be. But taken out of context this sentence makes NO SENSE AT ALL.

From Still Here

"Oooh, a strange cooler in the middle of the woods! Damn, it's only full of crushed cans and empty candy bar wrappers."

Clever Girl Translation:
What makes this weird is the implied expectation that an abandoned cooler in the middle of the woods would actually contain something good. Which, as it turns out, they sometimes do.

From ThunderFoot

"That water source is 0.4 miles off the trail? The next water source isn't for 8 more miles? I can make it 8 more miles without water."

Clever Girl Translation:
This is not recommended, but is done ALL THE TIME.

From Dumptruck

In response to the cashier at Dunkin Donuts asking if he would like a bag for his baker's dozen of donuts:
"Oh, no thank you. I'm just going to sit here and eat them all at once."

Clever Girl Translation:
This was done successfully.

 From Sam

As told by the proprietor of a hiker hostel, in reference to real vs. fake maple syrup: "This one is champagne and this one is shampoo."

Clever Girl Translation:

From Hotdog

"My [insert piece of gear here] is broken... can I borrow your duct tape?"

"Do you mind if I take a scoop out of your butter tupperware?"

"Is this a tan line or just a layer of dirt?"

Clever Girl Translation:
It's just dirt.

From Carpenter

"If all six of us pitch in, we can get one hotel room for $8 a piece!"

"It's okay, take the bed, I sleep better on the floor."

"I can't smell you."

Clever Girl Translation:
But all of these "normals" in town probably can.

"Where's the hiker box?"

"Look! A Porta John! Free toilet paper. And I can sit down! Woot!"

From EarthTone

"It's just one more mile to go..."

Clever Girl Translation:
It's at least 5 more miles.

From Candy Pants and Noodle:

"You think THAT beard is bushy..."

"It's just a flesh wound!"

Clever Girl Translation:
I should probably go to the hospital but it would be way too difficult to get off of this mountain, and try to hitch-hike to a hospital. So I'm just going to wrap this up and keep hiking.

"8 ounces? That's too heavy."

"Not White-Blazed? No thank you."

"No really, we're not homeless... See, it's all here in my pack!"

Clever Girl

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