Wednesday, September 17, 2014

70. Avocados

One day, I promise you, I will write about how awesome it is to be able to eat WHATEVER YOU WANT ALL THE TIME when you're a hiker, but that is much higher on this list. It also comes with an exception: 

You can eat whatever you want, all the time, except for when you're actually hiking in which case you are limited to food that's in your backpack. Food that actually makes it into your backpack usually needs to fit this criteria:

1. It must be light
2. It must be nonperishable(ish)
3. It has to have enough calories to justify its weight (i.e., if it's heavy, it better have a ton of calories)
4. It must be edible even when utterly squashed to smithereens inside of a ziploc bag

There is one pretty significant genre of food that does not fit these criteria:


Fruits and vegetables are almost completely neglected by hikers. This isn't so because we're irresponsible candy-crazed woods-children with no maturity (though the jury is still out). No, produce gets left behind because it is too heavy and doesn't provide enough calories to be worth its weight. Also, a tomato which has been squashed inside your backpack and subsequently leaked out over all of your posessions is not a tomato that gets a lot of appreciation.

Dumptruck and I ate multivitamins, and we tried our hardest to eat fresh food when we were in towns, but I would still sometimes crave something, anything that wasn't 95% preservative non-food nonsense... Even though, let's be honest, that crap is DELICIOUS.

But then, about halfway through the trail we suddenly realized the answer. There was one piece of produce that was easy to pack, was self-contained, and had enough calories. We rediscovered our old friend, the life of the party, the rock and the roll: the avocado.

An avocado is great because it stays hard, like a small rock, in your pack until the day it's ripe enough to eat. Then you just put it in the brain (top compartment) of your pack, for easy access the day it will be consumed. Then you can cut it open, cover it in salt and just eat it with your face. If you're feeling fancy you can scoop it out with your spork, but really, it works just as well to just eat it like the semi-intelligent apes we all are. 

Just don't eat the skin, because then you'll have to see it again later.

Clever Girl

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