Wednesday, September 3, 2014

72. Calf Muscles the Size of Cantaloupes

Do you have any idea how hard it is to put on a pair of skinny jeans if you have hiker calves? It's impossible. You've been walking for thousands of miles over mountains, carrying a gigantic pack, and your calves have turned into a pair of rock-solid cantaloupes, completely unsquishable under any circumstance.

It's like carrying around a set of dumb-bells on your legs.

This does not bode well for putting on pants when you get back into regular society. You just have to accept that you will be wearing nothing but shorts, even to the office, for your foreseeable future.


If it's wintertime and you can't wear shorts, here are some alternatives for clothing the lower half of your body that your hiker calves MIGHT fit into:




Even though you might spend several hours at Goodwill, trying in vain to find a single pair of pants that actually fits over your ridiculously muscular legs, there will be a moment when you realize that this kind of problem is actually 



because how cool is it that your legs are so beefy that pants rip off of you like you're some kind of



?!

You could crush the skulls of your enemies just by allowing them to LOOK at your calves, and whole armies would flee from the sheer power of your leg melons! You are unstoppable! This is the best problem you've ever had! You strain the seams of the legs of all the pants IN THE WORLD because your legs are TOTALLY HARDCORE.

Who cares if you have to wear shorts for forever?

Love,
Clever Girl

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