Wednesday, January 14, 2015

31. The Great Underpants Choice

This is one of those things that cannot really be written about in depth without veering into dangerously inappropriate territory, but needs to be part of this list. Also, it is one of the terrific things about hiking that I actually didn't engage in! But other people did, and they really enjoyed themselves, or so I suppose.

How shall I put this?

Sometimes in life, two things (bums and underpants) love each other very much, and decide to move in together. This is a lifelong love affair, usually starting from the time the bum is very small. The relationship is a bit rocky at first, as the small bum decides whether or not this "underpants" thing is a good idea. Often this decision comes up at fancy parties, when the 2 year old bum decides that it just wants to be free, and will parade around the house completely bare, to the horror of the parent-bums, and to the delight of all guest-bums present.

After that, the bum settles in for a pretty permanent stay. After about 12 years of knowing each other, around adolescence, some female bums get into a pretty severe love-hate relationship with the underpants, and all their varying ill-fitting shapes, styles, and fabrics. This only worsens as time goes on. Some feminist bums decide never to get into the love-hate relationship at all, and either just stick with the love part (all cotton, all the time). Some male bums get into the opposite problem, where one pair of underpants will hang out with the bum for weeks at a time, without either of the noticing or much caring about the buildup of scent.

Once the bum reaches adulthood, it basically knows what it likes in regard to its relationship with underpants. But (for the most part) there is a pretty consistent partnership. The underpants will remain forever, mostly comfy and good.

Until the bum decides to hike the Appalachian Trail or other long-distance trail.

And suddenly, the bum and underpants get to decide whether to "go on a break."

All I will say is that I know that I love underpants VERY MUCH, and I brought SIX pairs with me, to try and wear a fresh pair as often as possible. Once or twice I might have made up totally convincing and entirely false excuses to get into a town, when all I really wanted was to be able to lauder my underpants because six days had gone by.

BUT(T), the reason that this post is part of the top 200, is that a lot of folks on the trail spoke openly and fervently about their delight in their bums being,




Clever Girl

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